A woman writes to Miss Manners about a recurring situation where a well-meaning church member brings food containing her family's allergens, despite being warned. The woman's husband, after throwing out the food, confronts the woman, leading to an emotional exchange. The woman seeks advice on how to politely refuse such gifts.
My husband and four of our seven children have allergies to various foods, including pork, mushrooms and onions. Most of our friends and family know this, and will go out of their way to avoid these things. If they are having pork, they will make something extra for the two kids who can’t eat it, for example. We also try to feed our kids before going to potlucks or other events where the food may have ingredients we are not aware of.
I am someone who hates to offend anyone. I didn’t know how to politely say, “It doesn’t work like that,” and didn’t want them to feel bad, so I just said “thanks.” A couple of dishes I was able to give to a relative, but some dishes ended up being tossed. After she left, my husband threw the food out. Later, when he gave her the empty plate back, he told her it would have put him and our kid in the hospital if they had eaten it.
ALLERGIES FOOD SAFETY ETIQUETTE HOSPITALITY COMMUNICATION
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