WASHINGTON—Voicing their calls for heavy distortion and completely badass riffs, millions of Americans across the country fervently demanded a significant increase in the number of mind-blowing guitar solos Monday, sources nationwide confirmed.
Highlighting an unmistakable dearth of epic, amazing solos in recent years, Americans of all ages have reportedly called on the nation’s musicians to play technically difficult licks on their electric guitars, preferably at lightning-fast speeds, stressing the importance that the solos be both “loud as hell” and “totally insane.”
According to thousands of amped-up sources nationwide, a guitar solo in which the guy bends the strings really far while leaning his head back and grimacing is currently a top national priority. Additionally, citizens from all 50 states emphasized the importance of the guitarist running all over the stage, jumping off an amplifier, and then sliding on his knees through the lead singer’s legs while rocking out hard the entire time.The U.S.
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