Dear Pay Dirt: It is the equivalent of going through a car wash rather than getting out the hose and bucket.
My wife and I agreed she would stay home with our sons after the twins were born. In order to make up for the lost income, I took a different job that requires me to travel a lot. Half of the time I am on the road and half the time in strange motels or at the job site. The pay is good but the stress takes a toll.When I get home, the stress doubles. The place is a pigsty, my wife constantly complains, and when I try to help out with the twins she bites my head off. She doesn’t want help.
Also, even when you decide that one parent is going to stay at home, you still both have to parent your children. That doesn’t just mean spending time with them when you have the energy. You are exhausted at the end of the day, but she is too. One infant is exhausting in the absence of child care. Two is, well, worse.
It is clear that your wife is struggling and you are trying to help. She needs to be able to accept your help, and I think she would as long as you’re not implying that you want to hire someone because she is incompetent. She probably isn’t. In the absence of help, nearly anyone with baby twins has a pigsty of a house. As humans, we historically lived in communities with our extended families, not two-person units where one person was almost exclusively responsible for child care.
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