He had lost his car, his job and his friends, and the shame of where he found himself had him spiraling further away from us.
Yet I still wanted to be on the side of hope. That night, I tried to steady my breathing and resign myself to his death. I tried to imagine being on the other side of it. And still, hope kept trickling in. It was all I had left. Yet it hurt so much to hold onto.'I Quit Alcohol Four Years Ago—My Life Changed Completely'
Blame-splattered and raw, we moved further away from one another, each one of us mired in the guilt and shame. We tossed anger at our son, each other, the world at large, and God. I was also angry that I had walked this journey virtually alone. Though friends were deeply worried about me, the shame was such that I could barely face them and really, what could they do? They had no idea what I was going through.
The experience of loving an addict is isolating, shameful and excruciatingly painful. As a parent, I felt that over time, I was whittled down from a whole person to fragments of raw emotion, guilt, blame, anger, and remorse. So, I promised myself that I would never let another parent walk alone through the same experience.
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