Grief is 'like a hamster wheel in the back of my head just going, going, going and it never stops,” Amy Cowie says. “It’s always going to be there. But what changes is you.”
“I was sitting on the bed and a cop was sitting with me,” Amy said. “I didn’t want to look. I was just screaming, ‘No don’t tell me. Don’t tell me. Don’t tell me.’ Another cop came into the room. I looked at the cop out of the corner of my eye and he looked at the guy and shook his head ever so slightly like, ‘No, she’s not going to make it.’”
“I would go days and be like, ‘Oh, God, it’s been three days since I talked to her. Now it’s been a week. I never went an hour without talking to her. I’d only slept in a room by myself a handful of times.”MORE: Instagram launches new tool focused on mental health, wellness amid COVID-19Her therapist diagnosed her with post-traumatic stress disorder and helped her get the proper treatments she needed.
Amy graduated with a degree from the University of North Florida. She went on complete an online master’s degree in social work from FSU.While dealing with this initial grief, Buckley was also having to deal with something else: a trial. The state of Florida tried the man who shot Ashley, Amy's ex-boyfriend, on multiple charges – including manslaughter. The state attorneys were fighting to give him 20 years – one for every year of Ashley’s life.
On June 15, 2012, a judge sentenced the man who shot Ashley to 20 years in prison and 10 years' probation.Now, nearly 10 years after losing her twin sister, Amy has learned a lifetime of lessons on grief and feels it’s her mission to begin to help other people.Grief is"like a hamster wheel in the back of my head just going, going, going and it never stops,” Amy says. “It’s always going to be there. But what changes is you.”“You learn how to feel better,” she added.
“I feel like it would be a waste if I never tried to help people with the grief in the trauma and the experiences that I've gone through,” she said. “It's what I know about and what I’m good at.” “Ask them to guide you through it,” Amy said. “Each person is going to be different. Know your audience. Ask them to tell you if things you say make them feel bad or good. Ask them, What do you need from me and what do you want from me?”“There are no right words. If there were I’d be shouting them from the rooftops,” Amy said. Amy says to use words that don’t diminish or compare a person’s pain with yours. Also, it’s important not to overpromise support.
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