Dear Pay Dirt: Once a week he takes all the garbage out to the curb. That's it.
You have to be very direct with your parents. Tell them you’re excited about the wedding and appreciate their enthusiasm, but that your fiancé’s family is in no position to pay for a lot of the things they’re suggesting. Let them know you were under the impression they would pay because they explicitly told you that.
If your soon-to-be husband’s family is paying for any of the wedding, you should also just ask him directly what they’re planning to contribute. Use that number to figure out an overall budget with your parents’ expected contributions and then make decisions based on what you can afford that stays under that number. It does not matter what the Knot says about etiquette , you need to plan a wedding that you can afford and the expense should not be stressing anyone out.
That said, I understand your frustration. I also need to point out that the phone works both ways. Do you call your children to see how they are? If you want to support your grandson via your will, that seems reasonable, but know that supporting him at the expense of his dad could potentially ensure that their relationship never gets repaired and I doubt that’s what you want. You could also support your grandson now when it sounds like he needs it.As for your son, he may come around. I would leave the door open to that possibility. It is, of course, your money, and you have every right to leave it to whoever you want, however you want.