'I was getting older and was running out of options. I was 40 and wanted to be a mother.'
Courtesy of Jill Feig“You have a recruitment problem,” Dr. Matthew Retzloff told me. I shifted on the paper-covered exam table, the vinyl cold against the backs of my knees, and laughed.
I was initially undaunted about my age. To me, it seemed as though friends and colleagues all around me were delaying starting families and still getting pregnant without difficulty.Our next point of combat: We discovered that my husband, Jim, had an infertility issue of his own. I breathed a private sigh of relief that it wasn’t just me. In 35% of couples facing infertility, there is a coexisting male reproductive issue, according to the CDC.
, and often complicated: The rates for the first attempted fertilizations are 43% for women under 35 years old, 31% for those 35 to 37, 20% for those 38 to 40, 10% for women 41 to 42, and less than 3% thereafter. To further muddy the picture, 23% to 60% of couples exit after the initial treatment, often because of the expense and frustration. “This makes it hard to define failed treatment and prevalence,” Dr. Retzloff told me.
I congratulated the mothers-to-be. I bought baby shower gifts and smiled dutifully while they cut cake and opened presents decorated with bright bows and wrapping paper dotted with rubber duckies. Each time, I secretly died inside a little. I became a forever parent to a beautiful 5-week-old baby girl. With the exception of witnessing the birth and the umbilical cord falling off, we got to experience all of the joys and fatigue of new parenthood.
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