Over Thanksgiving dinner, my stoic dad recalled an experience that explained so much about his love.
No daughter or son really knows their Korean father. The father nourishes his child by working and providing for the family. This is how it was with me and myuntil one conversation about donuts changed everything I knew about this man who was so stoic and distant.
“I know my parents worked hard to make a living for me and my sister. But what I never thought about in those years was how lonely they must have felt.” Appa was proud to be Korean. In Korean culture, when people bring something to the workplace , it is intended for everyone. Koreans belong to each other as much as you belong to yourself. This interconnected mindset was something he truly believed in. It can feel like a burden at times, and it can be the thing that saves you. Appa had offered a donut to a co-worker because that’s in his Korean nature — to share. And he had taken one for himself to enjoy the gifts from others together.
That evening, with full bellies from a very American holiday dinner, we had cut fruit for dessert in silence. It was not a cold silence, but one that wrapped us up in warmth for each other and all the untold stories of separation and reconciliation that needed a place to go.
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