'As he pocketed items, I’d surreptitiously scan our surroundings, mortified, hoping nobody else had noticed.'
As we stepped through the sliding glass doors of Walgreens, my dad’s words hung in the air. Avoiding eye contact with me, he muttered, “I need to pick up my pills, wait for me in the toy aisle.”
Every weekend, he carried a wad of cash in his pocket from selling his weekly haul. I could feel his pride in his ability to provide for his family, but I could also sense his anxiety growing as the wad began to shrink. My dad was adventurous, impulsive and excessively generous, often giving away his last penny to make us happy.I can’t pinpoint when my dad began stealing, but I despised it until I started benefiting from it.
I can’t say for certain when my dad stopped stealing, but it likely coincided with his diagnosis of cancer, which eventually rendered him physically incapable of venturing out alone. I didn’t steal anything for the next 13 years, until my dad’s passing when I was 25.After his death, I felt utterly adrift, uncertain of my identity and purpose.
I convinced myself that wearing high-end labels and projecting an appearance of success would make me feel legitimate. However, this facade failed to fill the void within. I had inherited my father’s addiction, but underneath the theft was a profound sense that we were not enough.
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