My Big Fake Wedding
We're used to the season's white dresses and decor—but some engaged couples are trying a slightly darker test run first.In August 2011, Joui Turandot and her fiancé, Andrew Hinman, invited five of their closest friends to a campfire commitment ceremony in the woods of northern California. No marriage certificate was present; no cake; no flowers; no bridesmaids.
These issues had surfaced during their five-year relationship, as Turandot struggled to settle on a career path and Hinman's wandering eye caused jealousy-fueled arguments. Now they were calling themselves out—and in front of their friends, no less—at their"shadow wedding," a little-known ritual starting to catch on among the therapy-going set. For Turandot and Hinman, this 45-minute ceremony was a way to enter matrimony with all of their personal demons on the table.
If this all sounds a little New Agey—well, it is. Couples take an initial survey, addressing issues like"When we argue, we find a way to repair what has been ruptured and bounce back without major repercussions," before meeting with the Bensons in person or via Skype to create their own ceremonies. And a ceremony doesn't have to involve spandex: The Bensons wore sweats at theirs; another man wore a giant chicken hat during his, ostensibly to poke fun at his lack of humor.
Stephanie Sellars, a 37-year-old filmmaker in New York, and her actor fiancé, Peter Straus, 44, created a shadow-wedding movie to play for guests at their real ceremony."I didn't have any illusions about marriage being a fairy tale," Sellars says."I wanted our friends and family to know we were going into this aware of our 'shadows.
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