NEW GLARUS, WI—Tsking her tongue with envy as she put the finishing touches on her teen’s at-home hairstyling, local mom Sandra Bennett told reporters Friday that she was pretty jealous of all the dick her daughter was going to pull with those highlights.
“Honestly, I’m happy knowing what these dirty blond highlights will do for Cassie , but it’s hard not to wish I were in her boots, knowing the second she’s back at school she’s going to be plowed six ways from Sunday,” said Bennett, admitting she had mixed feelings of pride and enviousness as she imagined the way her daughter’s L’Oreal DIY highlights would get her tossed from classmate to
classmate like a rag doll. “It was bad enough when she got her ears pierced at Claire’s, but now? My God, she’s going to be straight-up pregnant within the week. What a lucky kid. As parents we do so much to help our kids get laid.” At press time, Bennett had reportedly resolved to get her own highlights and try hanging out at a local bowling alley to see if she could get in on the action.
Education CLAIRE’S Cassie The Onion
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ signs off with a nostalgic finale that’s pretty, pretty goodThe “Curb Your Enthusiasm” series finale featured an extensive cameo by Jerry Seinfeld and appearances from various celebrities, news anchors and former guest stars.
Read more »
Put Away The Thermals And Long Johns, You Need These 27 Spring BasicsPretty clothes for a pretty season.
Read more »
Meghan Markle's Mom and Beyoncé's Mom Pose Together at Art ExhibitionMeghan Markle’s mom, Doria Ragland, and Beyoncé’s mom, Tina Knowles, are proving to be fast friends. Ragland, 67, and Knowles, 70, posed with their arms wrapped around each other at the Kinsey Collection Exhibition at SoFi Stadium in Los Angeles on Thursday, March 21. The event was hosted by Meghan, 42, and her husband, Prince Harry. The group discussed the history and significance of Black art and how various communities can work together to preserve this vital piece of American history. The event was put on through a partnership between The Archewell Foundation — founded by Harry, 39, and Meghan— and The Bernard and Shirley Kinsey Foundation for Arts and Education. Beyoncé, 42, and Meghan have had a longstanding friendship with one another.
Read more »
Ask Amy: My girlfriend won’t shut up about the guys who flirt with herI’m not jealous, but it seems she wants to rub my face in it.
Read more »
'9-1-1's 100th Episode Sneak Peek — Buck Is Jealous of Eddie's FriendshipRyan O&039;Rourke is a dedicated film and television writer with a passion for horror, sitcoms, and animation of all kinds.
Read more »
Make Your Friends Jealous With These 30 Nasty Gal PicksIncluding a faux leather jacket and the cutest PJ set.
Read more »