MO AND PHINDI | Marrying a carbon copy of yourself is not a foolproof recipe for marriage: The myth that common interests are essential for a successful relationship or marriage is one among many falsehoods that are peddled in relationship advice circles.
The basic belief that fuels this myth is that the more similar you are and the more common interests you have, the better the chances are for a lasting and successful marriage.
But the important thing in marriage is not what you like doing together; it’s how you interact while doing it. Any activity can drive a wedge between two partners if they’re negative toward each other. It doesn’t matter if you both enjoy outdoor adventures if one partner makes it unbearable by criticising, degrading and always imposing their ways on the other.
There is no rule that says you need to spend every waking moment together. In fact, it’s actually better for the marriage to enjoy some separate activities, hobbies and friends, and return to one another refreshed. And it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a level of friendship with your spouse just because you entertain separate interests. Marriage is a covenant. And covenants are built on differences, not similarities.
You’re less likely to be challenged. It can be so exciting to be with someone who has opinions that mostly differ from yours, because it challenges you to reconsider your own views and beliefs, and start interesting discussions.At first, it may feel like a dream. You’re so happy that you’ve found this person that’s so similar to you that they feel like an extension of yourself. But in time, that feeling often fades.
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