Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
I have a dear friend who, every time I see her, insists on greeting me with a kiss on the lips. When I attempt to turn the other cheek , she firmly redirects me back into position. I am at a loss for how to address it.
The only silver lining of masking up was that it provided a natural barrier, one she thankfully never tried to bypass. But now, I find myself wondering: Should I start wearing masks again just for her? The thought of bringing it up feels awkward, especially since she is a warm, generous and genuinely kind person. I just suspect she may have missed a crucial lesson in personal boundaries.: The tried and trusted, “I don’t want you to catch anything,” said before your friend gets a chance to lock in, is an option. If, after doing this several times, she gets suspicious and accuses you of not being sick, Miss Manners suggests you say, “See? It’s working.”I enjoy theater and concerts and am in a position to treat others to these events. I usually purchase two tickets and invite a friend who might enjoy the event. Unfortunately, some of these friends either do not respond, or say that they want to wait before answering, due to other anticipated commitments . In some cases, they accept, then cancel very close to the event. In the former two cases, I follow up with an inquiry as to whether they are able to attend. If not, I then offer tickets to other friends. Since the cancellation is sometimes a day before, I am left to find another person to come at the last minute.Often, I need to ask multiple people before finding one who is free. I am unsure how to word these invitations, as it will seem that the person was not my first choice. I am also unsure if I can contact several people at the same time to see who can attend, then “uninvite” the person who responds last. I have often gone alone, but don’t like wasting a ticket that someone else may have used. What is the proper way to handle this?Few people will argue with a free ticket. And reasonable people understand that they cannot always be your first choice, as long as you are equitable and transparent about it. If you are asking one at a time, say without explanation, “I have a last-minute ticket to a Cloud Rap concert. Please let me know in the next hour if you are available.” And then move along to the next person accordingly. If offering several people at once, you can say, “Dibs go to the person who answers first.”As for frequent last-minute cancelers? Miss Manners suggests you take them off the list entirely.When receiving unsolicited advice, with no intention of following it, is it preferable to simply reply “thank you” or to share one’s reasoning for dismissing the advice?: “Thank you” will suffice. Unless your intention is to argue, in which case, by all means let them in on your objection.Miss Manners, written by Judith Martin and her two perfect children, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Marin, has chronicled the continuous rise and fall of American manners since 1978. Send your questions to dearmissmanners@gmail.com.
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