Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
: My daughter acted poorly and has now been distancing herself from one of her good friends. This is the second time in a few years she has done this. I’ve spoken to her for weeks, trying to get her to apologize and mend their relationship.
My daughter has now reached out to her friend, saying she wants to be friends again. The friend said OK. I’m close with the mom of this child, but now I feel like there is a strain on my parent friendship because my child was the one who acted poorly. I don’t know how to approach the mom since this transpired. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks. I have a feeling she is upset with me for my daughter’s behavior, and she has a right to be. Do I reach out to the mom? Do I wait until I see her in person at a school event? I’m normally really good at reading a situation, but this one is confusing me.It is easy to blame the parents for a child’s behavior. Sometimes it is their fault. Sometimes, however, children remind us that they are their own people and act independently -- despite one’s best efforts and proper upbringing.Miss Manners suggests that you help this one along on the journey. Reach out to your friend to clear the air, telling her that you were appalled by your daughter’s behavior and have had many long talks about how it affects her friend. You might even say that if she sees your daughter acting this way again, to tell you at once and you will address it.Your friend may attempt to rekindle the friendship or she may not. But the chances of the situation being reversed at some point in her own child’s interactions are high. So she would be wise to be generous with you.I have been given a gift of immeasurable proportions: the gift of having my life saved by many nurses and doctors after my cancer diagnosis. I want to show my gratitude to these wonderful people who have selflessly dedicated their lives to helping others, asking for nothing in return. I would like to at least give them each a card and small gift, yet each time I set out to write a note of thanks, no words can express the level of gratitude that I feel. What do you suggest that I say or do? Also, would it be appropriate to donate to a cancer charity in their names and let them know about it?A heartfelt letter expressing your thanks is best. Miss Manners suggests you focus on the specific things they did to make you feel better and help you heal. Expressing your gratitude will make them feel more appreciated than any small, generic gift.Miss Manners, written by Judith Martin and her two perfect children, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Marin, has chronicled the continuous rise and fall of American manners since 1978. Send your questions to dearmissmanners@gmail.com.Dear Annie: I feel like my husband doesn’t love me as much as he used to
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