A reader writes to Miss Manners asking if she was wrong for not commenting on a coworker's wife's T-shirt commemorating her late relative. The reader explains the situation and her reasoning for not saying anything. Miss Manners discusses the etiquette of such situations and reminds readers of the importance of condolence letters.
Last summer, I attended a barbecue with my husband’s co-workers and their families. I was introduced to a co-worker’s wife, who was wearing a T-shirt commemorating her close relative’s untimely death a year prior.Miss Manners: Our friend won’t be eating. How can we make that less awkward?
I am always careful to express condolences, but this time I was at a loss and ended up saying nothing. But she was wearing a shirt with his name and his birth and death dates on it! Did I do the right thing? Or should I have briefly mentioned her relative and how sorry I was for her loss?Miss Manners has noticed that declarations such as “Kiss me, I’m Irish” have largely disappeared, perhaps because the wearers found they did not actually want strangers to comply.
However, Miss Manners will take this opportunity to once again remind her readers why condolence letters are so important. Having formally expressed sympathies at the time the tragedy occurred, one can avoid the awkwardness of bringing it up later in a more cheerful setting. But as you are careful about expressing condolences, Miss Manners assumes that your husband already sent such a letter.
ETIQUETTE CONDOLENCES FUNERAL T-SHIRT CO Worker
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