Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
Is it appropriate for my daughter-in-law to say to me, “Why don’t you ask us what we want, rather than just getting something that we may not want or use?”
Hence the spread of the gift registry and the end of the thoughtfulness element, which had been the whole point of giving presents: “I know you, and I am guessing that this will please you.” This method could go wrong, but gave great pleasure to both donor and recipient when it went right. You should discuss these different approaches with your daughter-in-law, and probably also your son, and decide if either of you want to switch systems. Or perhaps you could compromise: For example, they might tell you what category of things they like, or call attention to their taste.
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