Miss Manners: Mom says I’m too nice to the waitstaff

(She) feels that I am inappropriately treating waitstaff and salesclerks as if they were hosting me in their homes, rather than providing a paid service, that I am making them uncomfortable.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After enjoying a Thanksgiving meal at a restaurant, I was shocked to be scolded by my elderly and generally very well-mannered mother about the way I interact with waiters and others in service positions.

So, I called the waiter “sir” when I needed his attention. I spoke to him in full sentences, made eye contact when addressing him, said “please,” “thank you” and “if it is not too much trouble,” knowing full well that it was his job to go to the trouble. At the end of the meal, I returned his cheerful wish that we have a nice holiday.

GENTLE READER: The custom to which your mother is referring dates from when servants were considered robots. When Miss Manners once waited on a table at a charity event, then socialized with the guests afterwards, they repeated much of their dinner conversation -- imagining that she had not heard it when standing silently behind their chairs.

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