Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
Miss Manners: I want to give my friend advice about her appearance but I’m afraid of blowing up the relationshipI have a single friend who is looking for a mate. Her personal grooming, hairstyle and clothing are very outdated and shabby. She’s quite intellectual, but apparently oblivious or indifferent about her appearance. I don’t think she’s considered updating either her wardrobe or hairstyle since college, well over 15 years ago.
When it comes time for her to pick up or put down her ball, all the men look away and the other women say nothing. It’s hard to watch. I myself do not golf, but I enjoy watching from my back porch. My husband, who does play, has a hard time if he gets put on her team for the day. What could be said kindly to her that will make her realize that many residents and golfers do not have a warm fuzzy feeling when she golfs? I’m not wanting to hurt her feelings, but it just won’t stop. I really thought her husband would get her some pants as a present.
What could have been a pleasant exchange of ideas and information becomes an annoying and frustrating experience. This is, of course, irrespective of the subject matter, and only gets much worse with the usual no-nos .: A successful dinner party, Miss Manners would have thought, is one at which the guests enjoy themselves, possibly without doing permanent damage to the property or neighbors.
She does not therefore understand the need to prevent multiple conversations, only to make sure that no one is excluded, which can be accomplished by the host drawing such individuals in.Miss Manners, written by Judith Martin and her two perfect children, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Marin, has chronicled the continuous rise and fall of American manners since 1978. Send your questions to [email protected].
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