I chose not to make a scene, but I’m still berating myself.
I tried to ignore it at the time, knowing the enormous scene my sister would make if I tried to throw her out. But all these years later, I still berate myself for having failed my daughter on her day.Your conscience is out of whack. You should have harbored guilt if you did cause a scene at your daughter’s wedding, not if you politely refrained from doing so.
That you are still mad at your sister is a different issue. Miss Manners advises you to take comfort in knowing that no one mistook her for the bride, and some may have been amused at the attempt.I have a friend who turns almost every conversation into a chance to use me as a free therapist. She tells me, in great detail, about her very active dating life — her feelings about each date, plus her tedious self-analysis of every doubt, feeling and changing mood.
Forget the idea that such a critique will inspire them to reform and go on to have a happy life. If they try, what happens when they discover that the relationship was already beyond repair? Thus the it’s-not-you-it’s-me approach, which is tactful, if worn. Miss Manners prefers a modified version of ghosting, which is drifting off — just being less and less available. But she admits that while it sometimes has to be done, there is no truly charming way of doing it.
Miss Manners feels obliged to remind you that “no one else present” means that you do not have license to be piggish in front of your family.
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