Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
I keep seeing letters to you, and to other advice columnists, talking about wedding invitations being gift-grabs.
We expected the people we invited to decide whether to come or not, and never expected gifts from those who did not accept. Now I am worried that some people might think that we only invited them in hopes of them sending a gift. For the future, is it worse to invite more people and have them think it is a gift-grab, or to invite fewer and have people think we don’t value them?: It is not actually a gift-grab, because giving presents is always voluntary -- especially when one is not attending the event.
Nor should anyone assume that a couple inviting people they would like to see could be motivated only by greed.I have a close friend who is getting divorced because her husband told her he didn’t want to be married anymore. He “wants to be free.” Of course, she is devastated.
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