A reader asks Miss Manners if they were wrong for asking a sick friend to stay home from their Christmas party. Miss Manners weighs in on the delicate balance of protecting oneself and others from illness while also being considerate of a friend's feelings.
In today's column, Miss Manners advises a reader who told her sick friend not to attend her Christmas party. I had invited a group of friends and family to my home for Christmas dinner and a celebration: six adults and two young children. The problem was with one guest, who had been bedridden with a severe flu the entire week leading up to Christmas. I kept in touch with this individual throughout her illness.
On Christmas Day, she insisted that she was 100% cured, but she still sounded sick and congested over the phone. I felt the need to protect myself, as well as my vulnerable, aging guests. I advised her to stay home and take care of herself, adding that we would get together the following week, when she was better. This is where matters went awry. My sick friend took great offense to this un-invitation and bombarded me with nasty texts and insults. I continued to be respectful; however, the nastiness continued. I have now blocked all texts and communications. Friendship over. Was I wrong for trying to protect myself and my guests from potential illness?It depends on how you phrased it. The correct order is to lavish sympathy on your poor, sick friend, followed by appreciation for her willingness to sacrifice herself so as not to throw off your party. This is followed by a promise to do something special when she is well. By your account, you seem to have done all of that. Miss Manners just wants to make sure that you did not overdo the Typhoid Mary approach of, “Don’t you come breathing your germs on us.” The concern shown by such an approach may be warranted, but it is not well received by the people with the germs. Still, it would not excuse your former friend’s extreme reaction.I was swamped by charitable solicitations in the mail this Christmas. A great deal of time, effort and money went into these missives. Yet when I donate to some of these organizations, it is a long time -- if ever -- before I get an acknowledgment
MISS MANNERS FRIENDSHIP HOLIDAY PARTIES ILLNESS SOCIAL ETIQUETTE
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