Most people assume money is the biggest obstacle for millennials, but there's another burden that may be the biggest dealbreaker.
We’ve all seen the headlines about falling birth rates and the global trend to delay starting a family. Rather than getting married and having children early in their twenties, many couples are delaying parenthood until their thirties or even their forties.
Many presume that’s predominantly a financial decision, but that’s not the only reason millennials are holding off. The question isn’t just whether they can afford to start a family, but also, can they cope with the mental load that comes with it? This was echoed by research conducted by Count On Mothers, presenting nationally representative data to reflect the experience of mothers across the U.S. Indeed, Lauren Prentiss of Count On Mothers toldPrentiss said: “In our Pulse Check 2025, 53 percent of mothers report difficulty caring for their own mental health, with time—not money—as the number one barrier. Mothers report increasing concern about children’s emotional well-being alongside rising stress and time constraints.” The financial burden of starting a family is one thing, but the mental health burden must also be considered. The anxiety caused by social media fuels this trend, according to entrepreneur Britt Riley, founder of The Haven Collection, a licensed daycare that offers families flexible childcare, workspaces, and fitness opportunities. Previous generations didn’t have to think about comparing themselves to momfluencers, but Riley suggests millennials feel overwhelmed by the thought of adding a child to their lives.It’s often said that it takes a village to raise a family, but for a lot of people, that’s no longer feasible. Whether they moved further away, can’t afford childcare, or the grandparents are still working, the notional village is all but a dream. For many, that’s just another obstacle. While the way we live has changed, Riley, who founded Haven after becoming a mom and seeing for herself the mental load that parents endure, said that the infrastructure to support our new normal “has not evolved.” “Whether future grandparents are working longer, or folks are living far away from family, easy access to the familial support system is limited,” Riley told. “In short, over the course of our lifetimes, a perfect storm brewed and made it much harder to start a family.”There's a high bar for good parenting, which can lend itself to perfectionism. Couple that with the fact that many millennials grew up witnessing burnout or financial strife in their formative years. Not wanting to replicate that, a lot of couples find themselves questioning whether starting a family is the right choice. This can lead to a check on their relationship and identity. Are they willing to give up certain routines? Are there any non-negotiables? How will they ensure they remain a team? “Parenting has become performative in a way it never was before,” Riley said. “Every decision feels open to pressure, judgment, and critique. Our collective obsession with perfection culture now collides with one of the most vulnerable seasons of life.” It’s not perfection that parents need, but rather, permission to be imperfect and ask for help, Riley added.Mental load is ever-present before starting a family, what with all the life admin, work restraints, social commitments and desires to travel. Add children into that equation, and the logistics become increasingly challenging.that parenting is “more time-intensive” than ever before. It’s normalized for parents to spend almost all their time and money on children. So, where does that leave them, other than burned out? Josephson said: “Some millennials are holding off having families, as having children can be exhausting emotionally, and they don't feel up to it.” In addition, Prentiss highlighted that modern parents also have to factor in the role of technology and AI in their children’s lives. There’s no playbook and safeguarding is still minimal, leaving parents to figure it out for themselves. “Mothers’ top concerns center around exposure to unsafe content, children’s difficulty distinguishing human from AI-generated interactions, and behavioral or social–emotional changes,” Prentiss continued.Is ‘Readiness’ a Myth? People say you’ll know when you’re ready, but is that realistic? Riley doesn’t know if it’s truly possible to be prepared for something that “fundamentally rewires” you. Riley continued: “When you become a parent, you’re not only unlocking a new understanding of love, but also protection for your family. The greatest things are usually the ones you can’t ever fully feel ready for. However, embracing the unknown and surrounding yourself with wise humans who have walked the path ahead of you is always the best way forward.” Being ready to start a family isn’t simply feeling broody. It’s the long-term desire to be a parent, rather than just wanting a cute baby. This is why it’s so important to have that sense of community and assurance in one’s identity. Riley learned first-hand that you can’t simply return to your old life after having a child, but she came to realize that her struggles weren’t a reflection of her ability; rather, they were a reflection of the lack of structural support available to parents. “I encourage people to think less about whether they’re ready, and more about whether they’ve had honest conversations with themselves. Think about expectations related to careers, finances, division of labor, and the support outside your household. Starting a family is more than inviting a child into this world; it’s entering a new phase of life that will reshape you, in the best way,” Riley told
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