'At 45, I'm quite active with minimal pain, whereas some of my friends have had to give up most activities due to herniated discs, blown-out knees...'
I’m an award-winning writer and editor living in New York City, where I currently work at BuzzFeed as the Senior Lifestyle Editor. :"Men in your 40s, what's that golden piece of advice you have for the rest of us?
" I thought I would share some of their top answers below:"Do what makes you happy. Don’t try to impress other people. And I promise, other people aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are.
""Let your freak flag fly. Trying to fit in is boring. Find people who love building Legos, hiking, talking about comic books, or baking. Whatever makes you happy, don’t suppress it because you are embarrassed.
You’ll regret it when you are older.
" And think about your physical activities. I traded squash for badminton and road running for the elliptical. At 45, I'm quite active with minimal pain, whereas some of my friends have had to give up most activities due to herniated discs, blown-out knees...
" "Start saving money now. All that stuff about 'letting compound interest do the work' only works if you start early. Don’t be a dumb fuck like me and pick up the bar tab and pay for dinner for years, drinking like a maniac, and then wake up one day at 40, realizing you now need to cram an extra 10-15 years of adulthood into the remainder of your working years.
" "Treat your body like a car. Regular maintenance. Go to the fucking doctor. Go to the fucking dentist.
Small problems become big problems that get harder to fix as you get older. Shit that could have been completely avoided with proper checkups, physicals, and care end up being serious issues as you age.
" "Prioritize friendships and relationships more than you think you should. Possibly even more so than life / financial goals. Our culture is all about me, me, me, grind at all costs to become successful. This all adds up to isolation and loneliness.
Men especially need to learn this as they are way lonelier as they age. Women, too, but they’ve been conditioned by our culture to be more social than men. Don’t get me wrong, conquering your goals is great, but there is nothing more sad and common than an aging man with no real friends. Be a good friend and make good friends.
Humans need humans.
" "As you get older, the world will throw things at you that you cannot fix. Learn what you can’t control and stop burning energy on past regrets, global chaos, or other people's opinions. Let them go. Focus on what you can control.
Keep learning, keep evolving, and relentlessly solve the practical problems in front of you. At the end of the day, audit your perspective and intentionally shift your focus to the good things in your life. Gratitude is a discipline, not just a feeling.
" "You should still be able to jump, lift heavy things, and sprint. If you can't, you need to start training. If you can, you need to keep training.
""So many people, especially on Reddit, take some pride in things like 'I'm 29 and already feel ooold, lol. My back is done, I can't run, you'll see.
' Like holy hell, train a little and eat a little better, I swear. You can be 60 and still physically fine.
"Time. You don’t have as much time as you think you do. True middle age is 38 years old, so you young men can’t wait any longer. Formulate your life plan now and execute it.
It doesn’t have to be perfect, but you should have an idea and a general direction of where you’re going.
" "All that worrying and being insecure about your looks or capabilities was such a fuckload of a waste of time. Being afraid of something is good. Don't go in the other direction. It'll be very good for you to face it.
" "Stop waiting for the right moment to fix things with people. Had a falling-out with my brother over something stupid at 38; kept putting off the call. He died last year. The moment is always now.
" And finally,"Don't ignore your blood pressure. Mine was elevated from my early 30s to mid-40s, and I just lived with it. I was afraid of the medicine and being on it for life. The doctor finally got me on a low-dose medication this year, and I felt so much better overnight.
I've always been in shape and figured as long as I can run a 5k and work out heavily, I'm healthy. All these things I've lived with for 15 years, and just chalked it up to aging — yeah, it was my BP. I finally know what healthy feels like. Don't fear the medicine; use it if you need it.
"If you're over 40, tell us the golden piece of advice you would give to younger adults, either in the anonymous form or in the comments below:
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