'The divorcees I know usually started their relationships from the standpoint of...'
I’m an award-winning writer and editor living in New York City, where I currently work at BuzzFeed as the Senior Lifestyle Editor. While marriage might not be for everyone, it does help to hear any kind of relationship advice, whether you plan to tie the knot or not.
So when a Reddit user:"Married men of Reddit, what’s the best advice you’d give young guys when choosing a life partner?" so many men shared their very thoughtful wisdom below:"Pick someone you can talk to. You're both going to change in all kinds of ways over your lives, physically and mentally, and face all kinds of unexpected hurdles together. If you genuinely like each other's company and are good at talking to each other and figuring things out respectfully when problems arise, you'll be set for whatever curveballs are coming." "Common values are more important than common interests, and everyone's interests do change when they grow up, so if you grow together, you are gonna find or develop a lot of common interests, but incompatible values are very unlikely to ever change.""You said it better than I could. My wife often tells me we have almost no interests in common, and I have been trying to find a way to describe to her that mutual interest isn’t all there is. Our values, though, match to a T. As do our goals for our family and each other. Having someone who supports you and you want to support in turn is extremely important." "Look for someone who communicates honestly and handles conflict without drama. Skills, looks, and fun matter, but how you navigate life’s inevitable problems together is what really lasts."I phrased something really poorly early in the relationship. She told me how she interpreted what I said and asked what I meant by it." "The person you marry should be a friend. I don't know how to explain that any better, but if someone asks who my best friend is, it's always been my wife.""Same here. I’d also add to have some hobbies that overlap. My wife and I go hiking, to concerts, and travel around the world together, and it’s always a blast. I know some couples that never do anything together, and that’s just wild to me.""I love to play video games, but my wife loves to read. Our hobbies don't really overlap, but we can share them with each other. I am never happier than when I'm playing a game while my wife sits next to me and reads her books.""This is so incredibly important. I spent over 10 years in a relationship with someone who lacked the capacity to trust, and every day was spent living in a prison. Even the most minor things were relentlessly questioned, which led me not to live my true life but to live the life that gets by with the least friction — and that’s a miserable place to be." "Be okay with making friends. If you go out into the world deciding to 'find a life partner,' you're gonna become goal-oriented for the wrong things, and this is part of why so many people end up getting divorced. The people I know who are happiest years into relationships are the ones who started as friends and upgraded from there. The divorcees I know usually started their relationships from the standpoint of finding 'a life partner' or 'sex partner' as if this is incompatible with friendship, which is based on shared interests and beliefs beyond Do Sex." "Sexual incompatibilities are an absolutely valid reason to break up with someone. If you are not both 100% happy with your sex life before you marry/move in together/have a kid, you're setting yourself up for a lot of frustration and resentment." "My wife and I have never, ever given each other the silent treatment. We also don't use jabs, insults, or name-calling when arguing. Neither one of us gets jealous if the other heads to the bar by themselves and hangs out with other people. I will never suffer that crap again. My 20s taught me what a shitty relationship looks like." "Really try to understand what they actually want. If you meet a girl at a party, she’s probably going to want to party. If you meet a girl at a library, she’s probably going to be a reader. Which one of those do you prefer?""I met my girl at the library, and she's the greatest thing going for me besides my son, who is from my previous relationship, and loves to party. Find what suits you best, and love every moment." "Don't sacrifice your identity. When I married, I said to myself, 'Eh, it isn't a big deal, it'll be fine. I can live with that.' And over time, it festered and jaded me. And her behavior got worse and took more of who I was. At the end of the day, never settle for less than perfect for you. Perfect people don't exist, but you can find your perfection."Married men, do you have any other relationship advice you want to share? Tell us either in the comments or in the anonymous form below:
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