‘Madame Web’ Isn’t as Bad As You’ve Heard. It’s So Much Worse.

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‘Madame Web’ Isn’t as Bad As You’ve Heard. It’s So Much Worse.
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This Spider-Man/Marvel Cinematic Universe spin-off —about a paramedic with arachnid-based psychic powers — is the 'Cats' of superhero movies.

that whets your appetite for the three-course meal. Occasionally, the oldest marketing trick in the book backfires. When Sony dropped a sneak peek at. The same fans they were hoping to get riled up about a batch of fresh Spidey-adjacent characters began to mock the clip, ripping into everything from‘s extremely decaf line readings to the curiously low-rent look of the visuals.

And yet, from the moment that the spirit-of-’73 preamble in the Peruvian Amazon forces Bishé’s Constance Webb to monotonously recite stats about a rare arachnid “whose peptides can cure hundreds of diseases,” you can tell something seems off. It only gets worse when Rahim, already one mustache-twirl away from tying a damsel to railroad tracks, begins musing aloud about “,” the region’s “spider-men” who whiz across treetops.

Then the trinity of hellraising skate-rat Mattie Fanklin , mousy goody-two-shoes Julia Cornwall and characteristic-apparently-to-be-decided-later Anya Corazon come into the picture, and not even the infusion of youth and promise of eventual consumed heroics can defibrillate this thing to life.

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