A theory by rachel_handler
In Romeo + Juliet, Titanic, and then for the rest of his career, he purposefully condemned his own hotness to death. Photo: 20th Century Fox Every week for the foreseeable future, Vulture will be selecting one film to watch as part of our Friday Night Movie Club. This week’s selection comes from staff writer Rachel Handler, who will begin her screening of Romeo + Juliet on September 11 at 7 p.m. ET. Head to Vulture’s Twitter to catch her live commentary, and look ahead at next week’s movie here.
Poison Ivy: Leo is in this movie for five seconds total. Too short of a time to be hot. Since we do not see him again, we can safely assume that he survives and his character, “Guy,” continues to live on within the Poison Ivy universe. Romeo + Juliet: In this perfect film, Leo plays painfully hot, Hawaiian-shirt-wearing, blond-hair-flicking, sex demon Romeo, who — spoiler alert — kills himself at the end via poison.
Celebrity: At this point in his career, Leo was so fed up with being hot that he had to make a movie about how hard it was to be hot. His insane hair, combined with his own self-flagellation, ultimately holds him back from hotness, and thusly, he survives. Catch Me If You Can: Leo is kinda hot in this, but not really. Certainly not in any androgynous capacity. He left that behind in The Beach. It’s not coming back. Anyway, he lives.
Shutter Island: As a man who loves wasting everyone’s time, Leo is not at all hot in Shutter Island, and nobody violently murders him. He does receive a lobotomy, though. Perhaps this is payback for surviving while hot in The Beach.
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