'His behaviors seemed like willful, little-boy defiance — we thought he was not complying to get a rise out of us. We punished and yelled. We didn’t know that there was another way to parent our son because we didn’t understand him.' ParentADHD_ASD
1. Recognize that what looks like willful disobedience may not be.
The first step is to understand your child with ADHD and why he does the things he does, especially things that look and feel like willful disobedience. I’m not saying that a child with ADHD never disobeys on purpose, like any other child; I’m saying those disobedient moments are no more frequent than for a neurotypical child. Most2. Guide a child through her frustration.
How many times has your child asked for something and melted down when she didn’t get it? When a child is two or three years old, you expect that. When she is eight or nine years old, you think she should know better. At 12, you think that a meltdown is ridiculous. You try to impose your will and put your foot down, and the child spirals out of control.
You think it’s all because she didn’t get her way. But it’s not. She’s not throwing a fit to strong-arm you into giving her what she wants — it’s not a “fit” at all. She is unraveling emotionally because she doesn’t have the skills to see that there’s more than one option. She can’t handle the frustration she feels when the thing she knows to be true isn’t.remain detached. Remember that your child’s behavior is not a personal attack on you.
Making an effort to remain calm with your son or daughter will bring a dramatic shift in your family dynamic and your relationship with your child. I know from my own experience that once you learn how to be calm, you will be a more effective parent.
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