'I was just a shell of myself,' the reality star said in a new YouTube video
After moving home, Bristowe admitted that she was going through some "dark times" and sought medical help. She said she remembers feeling like "I had nothing and that life was over for me, that I'd given up all my hopes and dreams, and that the love of my life was now gone.""I was open to being on [the antidepressant], but Valium I had never really known what that was or what it would do to me," Bristowe said, sharing that the drug made her feel "numb.
"I didn't feel anything. I got to sleep, I got to not feel my feelings, and that felt great to me," she said. "I had become addicted to Valium, and I was about 93 pounds," Bristowe continued. "And that was when somebody had to shake me and say, 'You can't live like this. This is not you.'" After a long time of hiding from her feelings, Bristowe said that she eventually recognized "I couldn't live like that anymore."
"I was sick of being numb. I wanted to feel feelings again. I wanted to go back to Vancouver and get a job and start over and meet people and get out. So I did," she said, explaining that she worked her way up in the restaurant industry before being cast on
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