When Pamela Druckerman offered her husband a special gift for his 40th birthday, she had no idea what she was letting herself in for. A decade on, she looks back at the experience
hen my husband’s 40th birthday approached, I offered to buy him a vintage watch. He said he’d prefer something else: a threesome with me and another woman. We’d never done anything like that, but I spontaneously said “yes”. There was the cost analysis . And it seemed like a way to keep our lives dynamic as we entered middle age.
When my entreaties to friends and acquaintances failed, I ended up advertising online and connecting with a fortysomething woman. She said she’d never had a threesome, or been with another woman. But she was up for it because, in theWe met alone, for a drink, and liked each other. But then she wanted to meet for another chaste drink, and then another, to discuss how things would go during the threesome. By our third or fourth “date” I was getting impatient.
The actual sex was … confusing. It was hard to keep track of who was at which stage. In the best case of one-on-one, there’s a flow of energy between two people – a kind of intense silent communication. With three, that energy is more dispersed. Of course there’s something undeniably sexy about the mosh pit of bodies and limbs. But I think it would take practice and comfort to balance that energy flow among three people – it doesn’t necessarily happen the first time.
When the article appeared, many strangers weighed in on my marriage, in the comments section. There was a lot of moral stridency and Puritanism. Quite a few women warned of long-term damage to my marriage. They said I shouldn’t submit to my husband’s sexual whims, or that – for the sake of equity – I ought to insist on having a threesome with him and another man. In my own life, several friends complained that their husbands and partners were requesting threesomes, too.
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