Sex in the heat of the moment can be exhilarating, but planning to make time for intimacy is more likely to keep couples together for the long haul, new research finds.
But real-life couples report that planned sex is just as good as spontaneous sex.It happened right after breakfast on Saturday morning for Abbie and Brian. As they were carrying the dishes to the sink, Brian’s hand brushed against Abbie’s bare arm. She looked up at him and smiled, so he kissed her, and she threw her arms around him. Before they knew it, they were in the bedroom.
That said, plenty of research shows that couples who have sex frequently are happier and more satisfied with their relationship. In what’s called the “good-enough” sex model, relationship scientists and couples’ counselors alike encourage romantic partners to have realistic attitudes about sex. According to this way of thinking, what’s important is that couples connect intimately on a frequent basis, not whether the sex they have is “mind-blowing” or “earth-shaking.
As expected, most participants believed that spontaneous sex was more satisfying than planned sex. However, there were some who stated that they preferred their sexual encounters to be planned. Even if spur-of-the-moment sex is ideal, it may be more practical for some people to plan time for sex in their busy calendars.Following up on this survey, Kovacevic and colleagues asked 121 couples to take part in a three-week diary study.
Although people generally believe that spontaneous sex is more satisfying than planned sex, the researchers found no evidence for this. In other words, these respondents reported that their planned sexual encounters were just as satisfying as their spontaneous ones. It’s not unusual, in psychology studies, to find that people’s beliefs do not match their actual experiences.
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