How to Stop Using Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide From Satisfying Ones
Irrelationship, the defensive mechanism many couples use when the prospect of true intimacy begins to show itself. It can easily manifest in sex and sexual behavior.
What happens when sex brings us too close to the very things that it's ostensibly supposed to: intimacy, empathy, emotional risk, and investment? What happens when sex brings us too close to the very things that it's ostensibly supposed to: intimacy, empathy, emotional risk, and investment?
Irrelationship is a jointly created state of insanity made visible in the mutual acting-out of the anxiety of being vulnerable, intimate, empathetic and invested in one another. Irrelationship is a jointly created state of insanity made visible in the mutual acting-out of the anxiety of being vulnerable, intimate, empathetic and invested in one another. Dependency is a bad word in our culture.
We cling to our fears of empathy, intimacy, emotional risk and investment and label anything that smells of dependency an illness. Dependency is a bad word in our culture. We cling to our fears of empathy, intimacy, emotional risk and investment and label anything that smells of dependency an illness. It is sometimes the case that the gifts of love become more important than love itself.
It is sometimes the case that the gifts of love become more important than love itself. Everyone knows that "history" causes problems in romantic relationships. It's equally true in business relationships, as this case so pointedly illustrates. Everyone knows that "history" causes problems in romantic relationships.
It's equally true in business relationships, as this case so pointedly illustrates. It is the awareness of the most mundane threats to our hearts that irrelationship most effectively protects us from—how emotionally close we are to those in our everyday lives. It is the awareness of the most mundane threats to our hearts that irrelationship most effectively protects us from—how emotionally close we are to those in our everyday lives.
Brainlock is our way of describing the neurological/physiological-meets-individual/social/contextual factors that underlie and sustain irrelationship. What is a relationship's personality, and how does it protect itself? Defect and defense can be seen as interchangeable terms—both pinpointing the existence of irrelationship. What is a relationship's personality, and how does it protect itself?
Defect and defense can be seen as interchangeable terms—both pinpointing the existence of irrelationship. Dysregulated relationships have a hard time surviving the transition from the passion of the honeymoon period into a mature, profound, and sustainable commitment to reciprocity. Dysregulated relationships have a hard time surviving the transition from the passion of the honeymoon period into a mature, profound, and sustainable commitment to reciprocity. Sex can be used to build intimacy.
But when a relationship is in trouble, sex can be used just as easily to maintain distance. In that case, sex stops being about sex. Sex can be used to build intimacy. But when a relationship is in trouble, sex can be used just as easily to maintain distance.
In that case, sex stops being about sex. There is nothing so valuable as having what we offer to others taken, made use of, and experienced as having value and being useful and helpful. Irrelationship blocks this. There is nothing so valuable as having what we offer to others taken, made use of, and experienced as having value and being useful and helpful.
Irrelationship blocks this. When bottoming-out in irrelationship, it can be a painful moment fraught with terrifying insights into how wrong so much of what previously felt right about the relationship is. When bottoming-out in irrelationship, it can be a painful moment fraught with terrifying insights into how wrong so much of what previously felt right about the relationship is. Learning how to relate is extremely complex—more so when, very early in life, a child’s parents aren’t effective caregivers.
Learning how to relate is extremely complex—more so when, very early in life, a child’s parents aren’t effective caregivers. What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management. Love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks. What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management.
Love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks. When we assume that conflict in a work situation means there's a problem, we create a problem by losing an opportunity for learning and growth. Here's how to do communication well. When we assume that conflict in a work situation means there's a problem, we create a problem by losing an opportunity for learning and growth.
Here's how to do communication well. Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist?
Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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