Cow humanoids, calls for Diddy's release, Trump's discussions with his gardener: on the road with Tucker and special guests J.D. Vance and Alex Jones
rain falls on the MAGA caps queuing up for a half mile outside the Giant Center in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I’m here for an evening of laughter and enlightenment starringand Republican VP nominee J.D. Vance, who at this moment is a few hundred yards away at Hershey Park choking back vomit on the Tilt-A-Whirl. It’s the eleventh night of Carlson’s 16-city tour across the nation with a rotating guest star list of the canceled and the who-cares. I’m in Pennsylvania for two shows.
I turn around and introduce myself. I give my media affiliation. This leads to groaning and muttering from the fortyish man ahead of me. He has violent teeth and a combover increasingly exposed by the drizzle. The look he gives me doesn’t screamSure, talking to a person in line at a Tucker Carlson show is just slightly above interviewing an undecided voter in a diner, but Kasie seems different. A gimlet-eyed Trump supporter seeing through the bullshit.
We talk about election security, and she plays the hits about ballot boxes being shipped across state lines and being counted in the middle of night. I mention that states like Pennsylvania must count through the night because Republican lawmakers refuse to let mail-in ballots be tabulated before the end of Election Day. That’s when the man with the jagged teeth spins around.I suggest Biden got more votes than Obama because the country is growing, and 25 million more people voted.
My seat is in the penalty box for the Hershey Bears, the arena’s regular tenant. This seems right because the night is akin to serving an endless major misconduct penalty. The speakers and the jumbo screen scream endlessly about the benefits of Cardio Miracle, a supplement powered by nitric oxide, a short-lived gas produced in the walls of arteries and veins.
Much of the white guys’ gab is a long-winded conversation about the evolution of the Ohio senator. Vance is the ultimate political shape shifter, a venture capitalist before becoming a bearded populist. In eight years, he has gone from writing “I go back and forth between thinking Trump is a cynical asshole like Nixon who wouldn’t be that bad or that he’s America’s Hitler” to being the ex-president’s heir apparent.
Vance offers as proof the vice-presidential selection process. He recalls a conversation with Trump in Mar-a-Lago on a July Saturday where they talked about the ticket. I wake up on Monday and flip through social media. Tonight, Carlson speaks again, but instead of a possible vice president he’s hosting the conspiratorial all-star couple of Jack Posobiec—a major pusher of Pizzagate—and Jones, a major pusher of every batshit hateful story in American history.
There’s still time before the show so I watched an interview Jones did with Carlson that afternoon. Carlson speaks calmly about the way the Democrats try to crush the spirit of the resistance. “They want to humiliate us and make us feel hopeless. That’s why they put a retard in as the President’s spokeswoman, you know, so we can look at her and be like, Oh, this country sucks.” Carlson puts on the worst French accent and botches the name of the woman he is slurring.
Carlson goes on for another 15 minutes, does the math, and somehow equates that if Shapiro spends an afternoon with Zelensky it means he doesn’t care about Pennsylvanians sleeping on the street or addicted to drugs. He takes a seat on stage and begins talking about the decline of his hometown of Norristown, an hour away by car. Poso says the hospital where he was born was torn down — it was replaced by a new state of the art hospital — and that his close-knit neighborhood was terrorized by Jamaicans. He says he won’t even take his kids by his childhood home for fear they will be shot.
Carlson can’t believe that instead of celebrating Jones the government has tried to destroy him. “I will always believe, and I will always say in public, that Alex Jones is the most extraordinary person I’ve ever met,” says Carlson. The man with Trump on speed dial and most responsible for J.D. Vance being a vice-presidential nominee isn’t done. “I’m just gonna say that Alex Jones is my friend. There’s nothing to be ashamed of there. I’m not ashamed, and you shouldn’t be either.
Let’s pause for a moment. There is a school of thought that by printing Jones’ words I am enabling him and spreading his misinformation. I see it differently. It seems important to spell out in excruciating detail the words of a man who Vance and Carlson, the Republican Party’s top influencers, support with fervor.
I did not know that! Jones’s insistence that we are all about to be replaced by cow humanoids makes this a good time to revisit what VP nominee Vance thinks of Jones.
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