In her new book, 'Welcome to Wherever We Are,' sociologist Deborah J. Cohan explores the complexities of caring for an aging parent with a history of abusive behavior. Read karlajstrand's review:
, sociologist Deborah J. Cohan explores the complexities of caring for an aging parent with a history of abusive behavior.
As he got older and Cohan began to observe memory loss and a decreased ability to care for himself, the responsibility fell to her. Before long, she knew it was time to find a nursing home to offer him more continuous care. The realities of caregiving meant that Cohan was challenged to reconcile her love for her father with the pain of the trauma he caused her.
Another strength of the book is Cohan’s dedication to exploring the gray areas that often exists in families that have experienced abuse. For many, these situations aren’t as black-and-white as other, more extreme cases. But Cohan also confronts the daily cycles of violence and forgiveness that occur within abusive family contexts, as well as the guilt that often accompanies these patterns. She examines how abuse is reproducible by survivors within their other relationships, using her own marriage as an example.
The most poignant focus of this memoir is Cohan’s navigation of caring for her aging father. She struggles with the daily challenges and humilities of caregiving: dealing with a parent’s memory loss, agitation, the physical limitations, the loss of independence and the frustration that often accompanies getting older.
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