In 'Ghost Lover,' lisadtaddeo taps into the female psyche to set ugly truths free.
is out now from Simon & Schuster.When my friends and I were in our twenties and single and dating in New York, there were so many nights that we'd be texting with whoever the current love interest or obsession interest was, and sometimes it would get so heated and nervous, where you just can't handle it. You would say to your friends, "Just take my phone for the night, just take it. I don't want to see it. Just respond for me.
For her, it was the first time that she had an orgasm with a man. To take that away from her, to take away female need, wants, the ugly ones. We're still propagating that same fallacy of the Madonna and the whore that we've all hated our whole lives. We are doing it to ourselves essentially by saying, “Oh no, no, no! Female power, female power, female friendship!”
But we make fun of those things when it comes to women. We make fun of them with men, too. With men, we poke fun at midlife crises. With women, we go, "How dare you still care about your looks after whatever age? You need to stop now." It's so cruel. And what I think is not cruel, frankly, is showing what we do and making it feel more normal and saying it out loud. I always look at, and she's just this honest person in the world saying things.
End of discussion. That's the thing. It's the wanting to affect someone else's trajectory and the way that they go about their day. To me, it's just wild. I don't get it, personally. I want to control my husband's day. Maybe that's not cool, but anyone outside of that, I don't think about it. But there are people who do want to control. And I think we need to really look at that desire for control as what it is. What it is in me certainly is a fear.
But of course, there's also the flip side to that where people are like, "This is triggering." And I understand that, too. I get both things. After my dad died in a car accident, I was completely unable to see any movie, read any book, hear anything even about a fender bender. I had trigger warnings, and then same thing with my mother's cancer, and it continues to this day.
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