“There are many blessings to be embraced in life with one child, not least the ability to reserve time and brain space for a pursuits other than motherhood,” says one Vogue writer.
Nobody told me motherhood made you speak in clichés. Since having my daughter last summer, I regularly find myself fielding comments and questions from friends, relatives, random acquaintances, and even medical professionals about my plans for a follow-up act. These range from the casually inquisitive to the boldly presumptuous . “Oh, we’re not having another,” I quip. “We don’t need to! We’ve already made the perfect child.
The process of conceiving, gestating, and birthing a child is rife with potential trauma. Many struggle to become pregnant in the first place: for same-sex couples, those with conditions like endometriosis or polycystic ovary syndrome, and some who are simply unlucky, pregnancy is often only achieved after many years of heart-wrenching disappointment, sometimes involving expensive, painful, and invasive IVF treatment.
Pregnancy itself is no picnic, either. I spent most of my first trimester lying prone in a silent, darkened room, unable to read or speak or eat anything other than cucumber sticks and Calippos. And then there’s the matter of birth: amongst my friends, there have been emergency caesareans, prematurely ruptured membranes, forceps, episiotomies, and inductions, and that’s just the start of it.
I shouldn’t be surprised, of course. In many ways, early motherhood is defined by feeling inadequate, at least as far as I can tell. I’ve felt guilty for struggling to breastfeed, for using disposable diapers, for feeding my daughter food out of packets, and for leaving her with someone else so I can write. It can be tough, but there is also a great deal of joy, which brings me back to McNish.
I’m not here to dissuade you from having more babies, if you so wish. I grew up with a brother and sister and I know how enriching that can be, but the thing is, despite what you may have read in Russian literature, happy families are not all alike. Siblings are amazing, but so are cousins and schoolmates and family friends, and so are parents, and so is solitude. There is as much potential for delight and discovery in my little family of three as there is in a rambunctious brood of 13.
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