As it turns out, the only thing that scares a boy more than his own feelings is someone who makes him look at them.
ADVERTISEMENT A boy had been chasing me around the playground for a week. I was five years old, exasperated and really confused. What had I done to deserve that kind of attention, minding my own business at recess?My mom didn’t mean it as an excuse, but as an explanation for a girl desperate for some clarity and peace. I hadn’t done anything. Boys just didn’t understand their own feelings, and it terrified them. At five years old, the insight was empowering.
As a five-year-old, being intimidating was something I was proud of. As an insecure teenager, it was an endless nightmare. Boys told me I scared them in lots of different ways. Hiding at the dances they had asked me to. Trembling while we held hands. Denying the love notes they penned after dark on AIM. I tried to make myself more personable and joked too loud, tried to be prettier and starved myself. Women I respected told me that I scared boys because I was smart — “too smart” to care what boys thought of me. I was just as desperate for their attention as I was furious with myself for wanting it.
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