When I had my own child, the impact of his choice really hit me.
As my husband and I boarded the plane to Germany to visit my father—where he was living at the time—I was seven weeks pregnant and on high alert. Any anxiety I was feeling about spending a week with my father was replaced by the overwhelming worry of traveling to another country in the early weeks of pregnancy.
I announced my pregnancy the night we arrived. It wasn’t until the next morning that my father said he realized it meant he would be a grandfather. I should have known it would be complicated to talk to him about becoming a parent—after all, he chose to give up his rights to be mine. Of course it’s more complicated than that, but I’ve refined the explanation over the years to make it as straightforward as possible. I can’t remember a time when my stepdad wasn’t my dad, and I’ve always known the whole story. I grew up not even really considering myself adopted, at least not in the way you hear about. Even now, I feel conflicted owning that part of my past. I know that compared to so many adoptees, I’ve had an easy life.
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