New to L.A., the S'More dating app tries a novel chat-before-photos approach to making a connection
The coronavirus pandemic is taking its toll on all of us, inside and outside the bedroom. We asked sexologist Shan Boodram to help us figure out: What is normal? Some of these introductory messages received no response, while others garnered a few brief responses before the back-and-forth quickly dropped off.
This phase of using the app reminded me of an evergreen dating-app tip: Ask questions when you’re talking to someone new. It keeps the discussion exciting and propels the momentum forward. The best conversations I’ve had on dating apps have included a back-and-forth exchange of questions. I did have a few enjoyable extended conversations that reached the photo-reveal stage, which is supposed to be S’More’s shining don’t-judge-a-book-by-its-cover moment. For me it was a learning moment. The lesson? Someone can come across as very nice through messages exchanged back and forth but have a profile photo that showcases a whole different vibe — an image that’s menacing or angry-looking, for example. It’s a disconcerting feeling, especially after you’ve invested time and energy in a conversation. S’More’s conceit of downplaying looks in the early stages of the online dating ritual may be laudable, but it doesn’t obscure the fact that physical attraction plays a big part in making a romantic connection. In some ways, the delayed reveal of a photo can actually make you feel worse — not only superficial , but also guilty . Once the profile photos of a potential match are revealed, you can also have an unblurred video chat , and this was what I’d set as the final goal of my S’More adventure. Out of my numerous conversations, I made it to the unblurred-video-chat stage with one person who was very nice — but with whom I ultimately didn’t click. So, after four weeks of chatting with 16 potential matches, seeing the photos of seven potential suitors revealed and video chatting with one very nice guy, I came to the conclusion that my relationship with S’More would be no more. But, as is often said when a relationship nears the end of its life, in this case it’s me, S’More, not you.Our time together was as memorable as it was brief, S’More, and you really opened my eyes about a lot of things. If we’d met when I was in my early 20s, long before I’d refined my list of love-life goals, you might have been perfect for me. Or maybe I can introduce you to those singles in my social circle who are all-in on the let’s see-where-things-go approach. I will say you were awfully attentive; you served up 12 potential matches a day for me to look at . And you seemed to genuinely care about my safety . And you even introduced me to some of your celebrity friends . Even though we won’t be continuing our search for meaningful connections together, S’More, I’m glad we had a chance to meet so soon after you arrived in town so I could tell all my friends that you’re available. Welcome to L.A.!
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