'As soon as we got home from the hospital with the baby, the house seemed like a death trap.'
one day that first week, as I watched the soft spot on her head pulse with her heartbeat, I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of keeping her safe for the next hundred years. I told myself I just had to get through these first three months unscathed and everything would be fine.
It was a beautiful Saturday, so we decided to go to the café up the street, which in this new life seemed like a major outing. We’d done it a couple of times before and always felt like recently paroled convicts, blinking in the bright sun. Every time we left the house I worried that the baby would get. She was still too young for sunscreen but I’d read it was dangerous to drape a muslin cloth over the stroller because of the heat, so I had no idea what to do.
Marc came running. “I dropped her, I dropped her,” I repeated, in shock. He took the baby from my arms and she quickly stopped crying. Now it was my turn. I ran to our room and threw myself on the bed, shaking. How could I have been so careless? Flip-flops! The knowledge of her utter fragility and my stupid human negligence felt like an impossible burden. What if I’d been running down the stairs instead of up? What if the stairs weren’t carpeted?“She seems fine,” Marc called from the hallway.
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