'For the first time in my life, I uttered the words I never thought I’d say: I miss winter.'
, responds to queries about relationships, love, weddings, and everything in between. Send your questions to [email protected]’m about to turn 31, and so far 30 has been the toughest year of my life. I moved to Los Angeles last year after living in New York for eight years. I made the move for many reasons, none of which being that I actually wanted to leave New York. Brief background: I used to work in fashion and quit to learn/pursue screenwriting.
Is it possible that the problem is not the job or the city or the boyfriend? That it’s the unbearable discomfort of being present in your own life, in your own choices, even when you’re unsure of where they’re taking you? Is it possible that in waiting to feel legitimate you are actually missing out on the most legitimate part of this entire process, the fact that you’re searching and seeking and sorting out who you are and what you want? Leaning into uncertainty is the best thing you can do...
Listen, if you miss winter, come back to New York, where it’s grimy and cold and slushy; where the snow is bitter and unrelenting, even on the first day of spring. But once you’re back in the city, stay in the city. Once you decide on a job, don’t quit it because you’re self-conscious about being insecure. Make friends with those feelings. Your stories and screenplays will thank you.
FYI: Los Angeles is never the answer, although I fully understand the appeal. What New Yorker hasn’t stared at that vintage pic of Joan Didion leaning against her Corvette Stingray in front of her Hollywood home—all middle part and messy hair and sandals, slick with ennui—and thought that everything would be better on the Best Coast? There’s a bumper sticker that says, “No Matter Where You Go, There You Are.
Here’s another bumper sticker-ism for you. “The only way out is through.” My father, stricken with blood cancer and feeble from chemo, uttered those words in the ICU a few days before he died. We all end up there one day, too—sitting in a small, quiet room alone with our head and our heart and our hands and our soul, facing the stars and the dark. Don’t miss out on your life because you’re walking around the world wondering if you’re doing it right.
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