Since coming out as nonbinary, I have struggled with being labeled as a mother.
I am not sure what the solution is, but I know I’d rather be celebrated for being a parent and not specifically a mother. I don’t have the heart to tell this to my kids right now because the pandemic has taken away so much normalcy and predictability; the last thing I want to do is cause more uncertainty, insecurity, or thought for them.
They make it seem like brushing their teeth each day is crossing a line they can barely crawl to. Not that my transition has harmed them, nor do I think adjusting to a new parenting title would bother them or make them feel less loved, but any change right now is too much change for them. It’s a lot for me too, and even though I am feeling more and more uncomfortable with people assuming I am a woman because they overhear my children calling me Mama, I’m not asking my kids to stop using their preferred term for me. And I truthfully don’t mind hearing Mom, Mommy, or Mama when it comes out of their mouths because they see me for who I am, and I know that. They see all of me and not a gender. When they call for me, they are calling for help, love, reassurance, snacks, and all of the other things I provide them as a parent. They don’t equate being a mom to also being a woman, just like they know some women aren’t moms. I feel seen by my kids and perhaps that’s the most important gift of all. If my kiddos do think to create something for me or tell me Happy Mother’s Day, I will take their gifts in stride and feel appreciated, but I will also be quietly working out a way to be true to myself. Maybe by next year I’ll have it figured out.