“I’m craving more validation from friends and colleagues and I think lockdown lifting is to blame:'
a people pleaser
– needing people to like me is part of my DNA. The idea that someone might not like me, or, even worse, actively dislike me, is a lot for my brain to handle. For as long as I can remember, the approval and praise of others has been something I’ve craved. For me, reassurance that I am liked, respected or appreciated is one of the ultimate comforts.
I know that this intense need to be liked is not a good thing. We all have those things we dislike about our personality, and for me, it’s this intense need forAs I’ve grown older, I’ve worked hard to try and depend less on the opinion of others to define my worth – I’ve put a lot time into developing a sense of self which doesn’t require other people to prop it up, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come.
– a quick “sorry I’ve been a bit of a rubbish friend lately!” here, an “apologies if that piece of work isn’t very good” there. After that, I’ll start to feel slightly on edge – as if there’s someone talking about me just out of earshot but I can’t quite decipher what they’re saying. Its graduality is what makes it so insidious – one moment, I’m reminding myself that, just because my friends haven’t messaged me in a day, doesn’t mean they don’t like me anymore. The next? I’m a friendless nobody unliked by everyone I meet. It sounds funny when you write it down, but this circumstance is not far from the dramatic dialogue which plays in my head from time to time.
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