'When did you start hating Black people?' I asked Daniel. 'It's how I was raised,' he said nonchalantly. 'But I just hate how they act. What they look like. I hate that they breathe.'
But, ever the professional, I stuffed my anger, and my tears, somewhere down inside. I went and told the pizza shop boss what they had said, but before I did, I saw the shamrock tattoo these guys had on their shoulders. I didn't learn until later what this tattoo meant. Now I know it represents the Aryan Brotherhood, a neo-Nazi prison gang.
"Umm...yeah, okay," I said, my voice quite chipper. I was 22 and had a positive outlook, I thought the best of people back then. "How did this happen, man?" I said to Daniel one time when he came around the restaurant, during a lull in the business day."When did you start hating Black people?" "Look at this n*****," he said once, pointing to an article in the local paper about a Black guy who had murdered a couple of people during a robbery. I flinched at the word. But I smiled, because I tricked myself into believing he wasn't talking about me. Just people like me. After a while, the word no longer fazed me. Not when he said it, at least.
I'm 13 years older now. Wiser. I respect myself and my self-esteem is in a much better place than it was back then. Working that hard just to be friends with a neo-Nazi? No. I don't have the patience, and I respect myself too much to be around someone who respects me that little.
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