Here's why a couples' therapist always asks new clients how they met—and what their answer may say about their future. 💞
, of course: As their therapist, understanding how a couple sees their past helps me to understand what type of intervention they need in the present. If a couple is having conflict, but they still smile when describing their early years, it's likely they just need help learning some new skills for communicating. The relationship hasn't"fallen apart" too much.
Whereas if I meet with a couple who criticizes their early years, I know they probably need a different type of support. Before being able to navigate conflict from a place of love and respect, these couples need support in three specific areas: negativity toward their spouse, marital disappointment, and flooding.This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.
We also know that people tend to meet our expectations for them. When we tell someone we already think they're failing, they are likely to stop trying. Whereas, when we point out where we felt they met the mark, they feel motivated to meet it again. In order to improve this, you'll want to make a conscious effort to pay attention to the good your partner does in your day-to-day life. Try keeping an appreciation journal, taking time to offer your partner words of appreciation and gratitude, andDescribing your early years as a bummer means that there is some level of marital disappointment in the relationship.
Often this is related to unspoken expectations within the relationship. In order to improve, you'll need to do a reset on what you expect from each other and start to be