'When I think of everything I've accomplished in this body these past three years, I wonder how I could be anything but proud.'
— it wasn't the changes themselves that kept me up at night. In my mind, carrying a few extra pounds would mean that I had fallen short as a student and a person. Gaining weight would signify to everyone that I was either partying too much, stressed out of my mind, or simply not capable of making"good decisions" during my first year on my own. I wanted to thrive at college, and gaining weight was — in my naive and overly critical mind — a visible sign that I wasn't.
Over time, I did lose some of the weight I had gained. My first semester was admittedly one of the hardest times of my life. I wasn't connecting with people the way I wanted, I missed my old friends, and I was struggling through a period of anxiety and depression brought on by so many changes. I can't say the weight gain was entirely related to that, but I should have given myself more grace.
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