I love pubs, but I won't be going anywhere near one on Super Saturday

'You might think we've made enough progress in our fight against coronavirus to allow ourselves a treat. But for me it's still far too soon' tomough won't go to the pub for SuperSaturday and here he explains why he made this tough call

Congratulations. You have been appointed Head of Pandemic Growth by the Illuminati. Your job is to create a social institution through which coronavirus can sweep the UK as quickly, stealthily and brutally as possible.

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