'I often have to face my 'new' body in conversation with colleagues, friends and my wider world of acquaintances.'
"My body and my feminism feel haunted by discipline. I resent the discipline that both require. And yet I am committed to them both as I move in the world," the author writes.My decision to lose weight was sparked when I got COVID in December 2020. I was lucky — the illness wasn’t bad. But it came at a time when my professional life was nearing, for me, unbearable. I had switched jobs to be with my family.
So when I felt my anxiety rise, I walked while I listened to mystery novels on audiobooks from the library . I walked while I played Pokémon Go with my kids. I ate a big bowl of oatmeal and raspberries. I did 10 minutes of yoga. I felt calmer, less anxious, less self-obsessed. I feltAs my kids started back at school, the parents I saw every day started in with, “Did you lose weight? You look amazing.” It was awkward, but also so human.
“Here I am, 50 pounds lighter and still thinking about my body. I feel more like 'me,' but I also know that’s a fiction of the fatphobia I’ve internalized as much as it’s a sign of my improving mental health.” My body and my feminism feel haunted by discipline. I resent the discipline that both require. And yet I am committed to them both as I move in the world.
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