SoberQuestioning: 'I am thankful that I managed to stop without blowing up my life, but now I am afraid that telling anyone after keeping the secret this long will set off exactly what I was trying to avoid.' anamariecox responds
I can easily admit, to myself, that I abused one of my prescription medications for over five years, but I have never told anyone else. In April of 2021, after months and months of telling myself that this month I am going to take the medication as prescribed, I told my partner and doctor that I just didn’t think the medication was working for me anymore. I suggested a different option that I knew was less effective but had a much lower risk of abuse.
How do we find the balance when this tension comes into play? Well, good news: The first step is to just tell someone; I am honored that you’ve confided in me. I would argue that it’s not a secret anymore — or not an actively malignant one. I hope you’ve released some of the pressure that you were keeping inside and can think more clearly about what to do next.
Then there’s the question of telling anyone else. Your partner is the only person you mention specifically, so perhaps that’s the only other person you’re really concerned about telling. For what it’s worth, that’s the only other person I’d put on my list to definitely tell. Everyone else? You’ll feel it out. You might never tell some people but then discover a deep connection to a friend who it turns out went through something similar. No one else has a right to know.
Now, consider this: What, exactly, are you trying to avoid? When you worry that spilling your secret will “set off exactly what I was trying to avoid,” what is it you were trying to avoid that’s still on the table? Getting caught, getting into legal trouble, overdosing — it sounds like you’re out of the addiction woods now, so what’s still scaring you?
If I could completely break up with it, I would. Just like I would break up with anyone who reacted to my telling them about my sobriety by judging me or being disappointed in me. Because anyone who reacted like that would also be a real asshole.
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