There must be a secret.
I’m the sole earner of my household. My salary covers all the expenses, and I max out my 401 and put $1,500 in a 529 each month for my one child, who is in college. I don’t think it’ll be enough to get them through all four years, but I can cover what the scholarship doesn’t, for now.
And there’s just enough left over to keep an emergency fund topped off. No debt aside from the mortgage. If I lose my job—increasingly possible—I can keep things afloat for six months without dipping into retirement savings, which is only the bare minimum for my age. Of course, if I lose my job, all savings contributions stop. I need to future-proof more and it’s stressing me to death. I feel like there’s no way to cover all the needs AND get ahead a little, and it’d be SO EASY to fall into a deep pit, even though I’ve worked my whole life to avoid it and I’m doing everything right. Right? What can I change about how I manage what I do have? I keep most of the emergency fund in a short-term CD, but the returns are laughable. The 529 generates enough interest for a nice lunch out once a semester. I apparently don’t have enough money for it to make money. Is there anything I’m overlooking?There is no real trick to generating great wealth, which is the question I think you’re asking. The missing magic is time. Unless you win the lottery or earn a great deal more than you spend, you have to allow wealth to accumulate over the passing years. Let me assure you: You’re already doing everything right. Let’s review your personal finances: You have no debt except a mortgage. You also have a fully funded emergency fund, a maxed-out 401, and a college savings plan for your child, even if you don’t have that much in it. Altogether, your finances are ahead of the vast majority of Americans. The anxiety you’re feeling isn’t a sign that something is wrong—it’s the natural weight of being the only person standing between your family and financial instability. That’s a genuinely hard load to carry, and it’s okay to name it.Keeping your emergency fund in a short-term CD is actually leaving a little bit of money on the table. It also locks your money in place rather than keeping it liquid. Consider moving it to a high-yield savings account—many are currently paying 4% or better with full liquidity, no penalties for early withdrawals and you can access funds immediately if you need them. You say you’re covering the difference between your child’s needs and their scholarship. Can your child take out a loan for that difference? Can they get a part-time job to help pay for some of these extra items? Allowing that extra cash to percolate for you can help pad both your emergency fund and then perhaps fund a Roth IRA for retirement.The 529 returns you’re describing suggest that money may have been invested too conservatively. On the other hand, when your child is approaching college or already enrolled, which yours is, conservative is the right approach. As I write this, the stock market has lost between 8 to 10 percent this year, so if you had invested the cash you needed there, you’d be watching it shrink rather than grow. If your child was still in middle school, or even in the first year of high school, the money could have been apportioned in some age-appropriate growth funds rather than something that generates so-called lunch money. When it comes to losing your job, that’s a fear shared by many. The goal, which you may have reached, should be a minimum six months of runway for your emergency fund. If you can redirect even a modest amount monthly into a taxable brokerage account after maxing out your 401, you’re building flexibility that retirement accounts don’t offer.At the end of the day, I don’t think you have a money management problem. You have a margin problem, and the only real solutions are earning more or spending less. Can your spouse or partner pick up some part-time work? Can you take on a second job temporarily to help bolster your savings? The fear of falling into a pit of debt is real. In uncertain times, which these certainly are, many people worry that the financial house they’ve built for themselves might give way. But unless a catastrophe happens, things generally have a way of working out over the longer term. If you stay focused on the future, and continue to make all the right moves, you’ll get through this. Again, time is your friend.Please keep questions short , and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.“Jack,” a 36-year-old man, and I, a 29-year-old woman, have been dating for about six months and are very deeply in love. We’re both weird, introverted nerds who never dreamed we’d find someone we’re so into who’s so into us. He is actually my first-ever serious relationship, and I’m his second.Jack is still close friends with his ex, “Ruby,” whom he dated in college. Let me be very clear: I am not jealous or afraid Jack will cheat with Ruby. Not just because I trust him, but because Ruby is not really able to have sex. Ruby developed multiple chronic conditions in her mid-20s that have left her severely disabled. She has very little mobility in any part of her body without terrible pain. She uses a walker for short distances, a wheelchair for long, and often needs help eating, using the restroom, and bathing. Thus, despite coming from a wealthy family, she rarely leaves her parents’ house. The exceptions are her vacations with Jack, which are typically once or twice a year and consist of cruises and trips to various Disney parks. Ruby pays both of their ways in return for Jack caring for and assisting her throughout.If we were also independently wealthy, and didn’t have to take vacation days from work, I would be OK with this. But their next trip together is coming up, and I’m thinking about how I’m going to feel in the future if Jack continues to use up most or all of his vacation time going on trips with Ruby instead of me. I don’t want to push to go with them, for several reasons: While I have compassion for Ruby, she’s not someone I enjoy interacting with, and I’m sure she feels the same about me. She is very blunt and critical, I’m very sensitive, and we have zero common interests. I don’t like cruises or theme parks, and the kind of vacations I would like, and Jack admits he would too—remote island getaways or walking through old European cities—would not be possible for Ruby. Having to accommodate Ruby’s pace and schedule, and having so much of Jack’s time taken up with her, would make the trip less fun for me, regardless of the destination. I can’t afford to pay my way on so many lavish trips, I wouldn’t want Ruby to, and I’d prefer Jack save his money for other things. However, I feel horrible about wanting to ask him to dial these occasions back, because I know they are the highlight of Ruby’s otherwise very depressing life. How and when can I begin to talk to Jack about this without sounding jealous, possessive, or like I’m planning our whole life together too early in our relationship?It’s evident you’ve thought about this carefully and honestly. The fact that you can clearly articulate what bothers you—and what doesn’t—is exactly the foundation you need for a conversation you need to have with Jack.Here’s the good news: You don’t have to frame this as asking him to dial anything back. Not yet, anyway. You’re six months into this relationship, and what you actually need right now is information. How much vacation time does Jack have? What kind of vacations does he envision for the two of you going forward? Does he want to spend some of that time with your friends? Those are reasonable questions for someone in a deepening relationship to ask, and they don’t require you to issue any ultimatums or make any demands. In fact, I wouldn’t even mention Ruby.So start there. Tell him that you’ve been thinking about the future and that you’d love to talk about what a vacation might look like for the two of you—what you’d both enjoy, what’s realistic financially, how you’d want to spend that time together. Let him tell you what he’s thinking. You may find he’s already been wondering how to balance things, or that he has more vacation time than you realize, or that the Ruby trips are more flexible than they appear.If you take a few steps back, what you’re really asking is this: Is there room for me in your life as a full and primary partner? That’s a fair question at six months, and a necessary one before this goes much further. Again, you don’t have to frame it around Ruby at all, who shouldn’t be a third partner in your relationship. Ruby’s situation is genuinely hard and unfortunate, and your compassion for her is real and evident. Those are wonderful qualities. But you are also allowed to have needs. A partner worth keeping will want to know what they are and find a way to meet at least in the middle.I’ve made a terrible mistake. I flirted heavily with a co-worker at our holiday party, much more so than a married woman should flirt. Lots of touching, and there was a moment where we almost kissed but held back. Afterward we exchanged very suggestive texts for a day or two. If I’m totally honest I really enjoyed the tension and thrill of it,
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