MyTwoCents: “It’s starting to feel unfair that so much of my food budget ends up buying other peoples’ $17 glasses of wine, but I’m also afraid to say anything. Am I being cheap if I ask to split based on what we ordered?”
Photo: Hulton Archive/Getty Images I’m in my late 20s, and I try to be sensitive to the fact that some of my friends are still in school or have jobs that pay less than mine. It’s important to me to maintain those relationships, so I block off a couple evenings each week to get together. I’ll usually suggest something easy and inexpensive, like going for a walk or getting ice cream after work.
The first solution is more tactical. As someone who’s experienced both sides of this equation — I’ve been the person who orders wine and steak and owes a lot more than everyone else, and the person who isn’t drinking and owes a lot less — I’ve found that dealing with the bill is much easier if I simply ask before we order, “Is it okay if we each get our own checks?”
On that note, it’s also worth giving your friends the benefit of the doubt here. Perhaps they aren’t secretly hoping you’ll pay for them; instead, they probably don’t know how to have these conversations. They might even be glad when you bring it up. Personally, I’m always relieved when a friend suggests a way to split an uneven bill, especially when I know my portion is larger. I’d hate for them to walk away feeling secretly peeved, and your friends are probably in the same boat.
To practice doing so, McCoy recommends looking at other realms of your life where you feel more comfortable being assertive. “What skills can you borrow from those other areas?” she asks. “Think about how you would word it, and then try to substitute that other need for your financial need.” You aren’t reinventing the wheel here; you’re simply translating your communication skills from one topic to another, and applying it to a new scenario.
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